Dzimwe nzira dzekuroora mumwechete: kubvunzurudza nenyanzvi yepfungwa
Vadziviriri vehukama hwechinyakare vanovimbisa kuti "varume nevakadzi vanofanirwa kuchengetedza hukama hwakasarudzika kuti vavimbise kuenderera kwemarudzi, uye hapana chikonzero nei izvi zvisingafanire kudaro, kunyangwe nzira yatinonzwisisa nayo hukama hwafambira mberi. .rudo”. Unofungei nezvekutaura uku?
Sekupokana kunoratidzika kwandiri kuva murombo, anoderedza uye ari kure nehupenyu hwevanhu / hunoshanda chokwadi. Ini ndinofunga kuti kana tikafunga kubatana nevamwe vanhu, isu tinowanzo kuzviita tichisundwa nemabatiro anoita vanhu ivavo, nekunakidzwa kwekambani yavo uye zvimwe zviito zvinokurudzira, kwete nechinangwa chikuru uye chega chekuzvibereka pachedu.
Chinhu chinondishungurudzawo ishoko rekuti "kuda". Hutano hune hutano hwehukama hunotangwa pane zvaunofarira kana sarudzo, hazvimbo dikanwa. Chero zvazvingava, uye kutora kubereka senharo, ini handisi kuona kuti izvi zvingave zvakasarudzika kana kusapindirana nedzimwe nzira dzekubatanidza senge. kuvhura hukama, polyamory kana kunyange relational anarchy.
Iwe unofunga kuti murume mumwe chete ndewemuzvarirwo here kana kuti ndiwo masikirwo edu?
Kana bodo. Kutaura zvazviri, mhuka dzakawanda dzinoyamwisa dzinoita barika. Vanhu vaisagara vaine murume mumwe chete (barika rave richiitwa kwenguva yakareba uye mutsika dzakawanda) uye shanduko iyi munzira yatinodyidzana nayo ine chekuita nekubatanidzwa kwechiKristu uye tsika dzayo dzechitendero munharaunda. Dai zvaive zvemukati muhunhu hwedu, paizova nekusavimbika kwakawanda kudaro here?
Iwe unofunga kuti chii chinosarudza kana munhu achifarira kufambidzana nemurume mumwe chete kana kusarudza pakati pedzimwe nzira dzekuroora mumwe?
Yedzidzo yakagamuchirwa, kuvhurika pfungwa, kufunga kwakadzama pamusoro pezvimiro, zviyero zvinotemerwa sekupokana uye zvisingaite zvakanaka kana zvinosarudzika kune wese munhu, zvakaitika kare zvine chekuita nebonde, mhando dzekubatana kwevabereki, kuziva kana kusangana nevamwe vanhu vanoita rondedzera kubva kune imwe modhi yerudo, nezvimwe.
Vanhu vanozviona sevane polyamorous kana hukama anarchist vanowanzo "nyura" mukati mehukama hwehukama hwemurume mumwe chete. Izvi ndezvei?
Chokutanga pane zvose, tsanangura kuti pane kusiyana pakati pe polyamory uye relational anarchism. Mu polyamory, pfungwa yevakaroorana uye kusiyana kwayo kubva kune mamwe marudzi ehukama (hierarchical kana isiri-hierarchical) inoramba iripo, nepo mhirizhonga yehukama inotsvaga kukanganisa iyo yose yakatemerwa magariro evanhu kuti vagadzirise zvitendero zvatinazvo uye kufunga nezvehukama.
Ndinofunga kuti kiyi iri muchiitiko. Ndiko kuti, munhu asiri mumwechete (angave ane polyamorous kana imwe sarudzo) anogona kusarudza pane imwe nguva kuchengetedza hukama hwakasarudzika nemumwe munhu, asi zvichibva pane sarudzo kana zvaunofarira. Zvingave zvakasiyana kana mumwe wako, nzanga kana iwe pachako ukazvimanikidza. Pakupedzisira uye mumashoko eshamwari "iwe uchange usiri kurarama uye kuita rudo sezvaunofungidzira uye uchirunzwa" uye izvi zvinogona kuitika kwete mukunzwa kwekupererwa, asiwo mhosva, kushorwa, kuvharirwa, kusafarira, nezvimwe.
Zvinoita here kuti munhu anozviti ane murume mumwe chete anogona kudanana nemunhu asina?
Pamwe. Ndiko kuti, sepamuenzaniso wapfuura wakatsanangurwa, zvinogoneka kuti munhu asiri mumwechete anosarudza pane imwe nguva kuve nekusarudzika nemunhu ane murume mumwe chete. Ichokwadi, uye mukuona kwangu, kuti kana mamiriro ezvinhu akachinja uye zvakasarudzwa kuzarura hukama kana kuchengetedza hukama hwakawanda nevamwe, kana munhu ane murume mumwe chete akawana izvi sechinhu chakaipa, chaasingabvumirani nacho uye chinokonzera kusagadzikana, zvikuru. zvichida hukama hwacho hunoguma hwaparara.
Zvinotsanangurwa kuti Relational Anarchy "haisiyanise munhu waunofambidzana naye zverudo kubva kune waunofambidzana naye zvisiri zverudo." Izvi zvinorevei chaizvo?
Kusagadzikana kwehukama kunoda kukanganisa magariro ese akatemerwa kuitira kuti tigadzirise zvatinotenda uye kufunga nezvehukama. Hazvisiyanise pakati pehukama hwerudo uye husiri hwerudo. Chisungo chega chega chakasiyana uye chakavakirwa pane vanhu vanochigadzira, mamiriro, nezvimwe. Mazita okuti “shamwari” kana “mudiwa” anonyangarika, asi mutoro wepfungwa unoramba uri muhukama uhwu.
Kuti uve nehumwe hukama kune murume mumwe chete, unoda here rudzi rwekudzidza?
Nenzira imwecheteyo iyo, semuenzaniso, vanhu havana kuberekwa "machista", asi isu tinova patinosangana nenzanga uye maitiro ayo, munyaya iyi chinhu chimwe chete chinoitika. Hapana anozvarwa ari anarchist, polyamorous kana monogamous, inovakwa. Maererano nemirairo, ivo vaizove vakafanana kune chero rudzi rwehukama, chero chimiro chayo: kuzviziva, kutaurirana uye mutoro wakawanda wepfungwa, pakati pevamwe.
Kusachengeteka kwakabatana kusvika papi nechishuvo chokuva nomukadzi mumwe chete? Vanhu vane chivimbo vanowanzotsvaka dzimwe nzira dzokuva nomudzimai mumwe here?
Ndinofunga kuti panogona kunge paine vanhu vakachengeteka uye vasina kuchengeteka mune ese ari maviri ehukama modhi. Zvisinei, vanhu vakachengeteka vanogona kunge vachifunga zvakare hukama, kunyanya izwi rekuda nemiganhu, zvichienzaniswa neasina kuchengetedzeka uye izvi zvinogona kutungamira mukutsoropodza kukuru kwerudo rwerudo, iyo hegemonic sex-affective system uye hukama hwehukama uye zvimiro. Ndiko kuti, kuva nechivimbo uye kuziva zvaunoda uye zvaunoda kunokubvumira kuti uwedzere kutsoropodza zvimwe zvimiro uye modhi.
Godo rinofanira kudzorwa sei? Hutungamiri hwepedyo here kana kuti muri vaviri?
Godo ndiwo maitiro akajairika emanzwiro aripo kutizivisa chimwe chinhu. godo rinogona kuva chinja, chero bedzi vachitizivisa, vanotibatsira kunzwisisa zviri shure kwavo uye izvi zvinotibvumira kuzvigadzirisa kana maladaptive/kusashanda kana tikatadza kuzvibata zvakanaka. Naizvozvo, dambudziko harisi mukusangana negodo pane imwe nguva, asi mune zvatinoita negodo iri (yakanaka kana yakaipa manzwiro ekutonga). Kana iri manejimendi ayo, inofanirwa kunge iri yako uye neyemumwe wako, uchifunga kuti kutaurirana manzwiro atiri kunobatsira kuwedzera manzwiro ekunzwisisa, rutsigiro uye hukama hwepedyo nemumwe munhu.
Nhungamiro: Kusarudza kudzikamisa uye kusazvitongesa pachedu nekuda kwekusangana nekumwe manzwiro, kuongorora zvikonzero nei tinganzwa godo (kuwedzera kuzviziva kwedu) uye kutaurirana kune mumwe wedu kuti tiri kunzwa sei nezve kudzora mumwe wedu, kurambidza, nezvimwe.
Chimwe chezvivakwa zvinomiririrwa neAR ndechekuti "hukama hwakanyanya hunofanirwa kuve nekukurukurirana uye kutaurirana senzvimbo yavo yepakati, kwete semamiriro enjodzi anongoonekwa kana paine "matambudziko". Hukama hwese hahufanire kunge hwakadai here? Sei kune matambudziko akawanda ekukurukurirana pakati pevakaroorana vakaroorana?
Chokwadi, ichi chinofanira kunge chiri chigadziro chepasirese uye nzira yekuenderera mberi nekunaka mumhando dzese dzehukama, mumwechete kana kwete. Hukama hwakawanda hwevakaroorana hunopedzisira hwakundikana, pakati pezvimwe zvinhu, nekuda kwekushaikwa kwekutaurirana kana kuchengetedzwa kwemaitiro asina kunaka ekutaurirana, izvo, kupfuura kugadzirisa dambudziko, rinova dambudziko pacharo. Nokudaro, kuziva nzira yekukurukurirana kwakakosha, asi kuziva nzira yekuzviita nayo zvakanaka, neruremekedzo uye kusimbisa, zvakakosha.
Semhedziso: dzidzo yepfungwa yakawanda inodiwa iyo inotibvumira kuziva manzwiro mukati medu uye mune vamwe, kutarisira, kuzvidzora pachedu mupfungwa.
Kuti titange kutaura nezvedzimwe nzira idzi pane kuva nomudzimai mumwe sevakaroorana, chii chatinofanira kuita?
Chokutanga pane zvose, taura kuti hakuna "mashiripiti" mutsara kana nani pane mumwe wekusimudzira nhaurirano. Iyo yandinowanzo shandisa ndeye "(zita remunhu), ndinoda kuti titaure nezve zvakaitika". Kukurukurirana kana kukurukura pamusoro peimwe nyaya hakuna kuoma, chakaoma kuita nemazvo nenguva.
Kukurukurirana zvakasimba, ndiko kuti, kutaura mumunhu wokutanga, kubva pamanzwiro uye kwete kubva pakuita kweumwe, kutsoropodza kana kushorwa, kazhinji kunoderedza ngozi yokuti mumwe munhu atore hurukuro sekurwisa kwega uye naizvozvo pedyo nekukurukurirana. Kuremekedza nguva yako uye yemumwe wako kana uchitaura kwakakosha zvakare, pamwe nekuziva nhanho yedu yekusimudzira pakutaura. Kana tichitya zvikuru, takatsamwa kana kuti takazara nemanzwiro, zvingangoitika kuti hatizokwanisi kukurukura zvinobudirira.
Kuenda kukurapa kwepfungwa kunogona kuve sarudzo huru yekudzidza uye / kana kuvandudza hunyanzvi hwemagariro, pamwe nekurapa matambudziko maviri kana mhinduro dzakamboyedzwa pasina kubudirira.
